What is love?

September 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

Inside you
The time moves
And she don’t fade
– Ghost in You, Mark McGrath

Have you ever been in love? Or have you ever fallen out of love? What is magical about love which makes it so rare yet so usual? Definitely love has so many faces. But then again, what is love for us?

Love is indeed a mystery. It can also be a misery. Others would say it is a necessity. And for some of us, love does not even exist.

Love is indeed a mystery because we do not know what to expect or what to give. According to a song, it moves mysteriously and it is right. We do not need to look for it because it will find its way at the right time. It may not be delivered directly at your doorstep but one thing is sure; it will arrive in your life in full package.

It can also be a misery because some relationships might end any time of the day. Sure, we do not want it to happen but we cannot stop it from happening. It is part of the irony of life. At first, we could be the happiest man alive in the whole world. Then suddenly, without even noticing, it fades little by little until it is completely gone.

Others would say it is a necessity, since according to them, they cannot breathe without love. They do not view it as a special gift from up above; somewhat they view this extraordinary feeling as a craze which is necessary to support life. For them, it is like a latest fashion trend that they need to follow in order to fit in a circle.

And for some of us, love does not even exist because it is nowhere to be found. We cannot even have it. We cannot even feel it even for a single second. Life is colorless and odorless; life is nothing. They believe in this definition because they suppose that love will never visit them even in their wildest dreams.

Nonetheless, love for me is a puzzling sensation that we can never explain ever. It is the sentiment that will force you to miss someone even though you do not agree. It is the urge to glance at someone over again after seeing her five minutes before.

It is love you are feeling when you are talking with someone on the phone and you would not mind if it is already five in the morning. It is love you are feeling when you are at your Algebra class and you wish the class would not end soon because you are with the most beautiful girl in the world. It is love when the feeling is still there and never fades away no matter what you do.

It is love you are feeling when you dearly care for someone even if she does not mind at all. It is love when you still see her beautiful after ignoring you in front of a huge crowd. It is love when you think of her exceedingly every minute even if she acts as if she really does not know you. It is love when you think she is the one.

But I think the answer to the question above is plain and simple. It is love when you know it is love. Well, if you know what I mean.

Not for hire

September 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

I hate Tuesdays. I just cannot help but hate this day. Every Tuesday, I have to get up earlier than usual just to catch an empty cab with a good-natured and responsible driver steering the wheel. It is really hard to find one. Nowadays, a lot of them are abusive and will just drain our wallets.

I know I do not deserve this, but who am I to complain anyway? They are not under my control and they owe nothing from me. To make things worse, we are strangers to each other. My former editor is right.

Love is like a taxi. Well, I could not agree more. It may sound like it is cheddar-coated, but yes, it is true. Just like love, taxi is everywhere. Wherever you go, you will see these white-painted vehicles, sometimes yellow, pilling up in the traffic. But, it is not always available right?

I am sure there are times that you need a cab badly and not even a single one is on sight. There are also times when you do not need one and the only thing you see on the road is that multi-colored automobile. Ironic isn’t it?

Then here comes the ugly-looking taxi that you curse every time it passes in front of you. Obviously, it is not perfect at all. In fact, it is not enough for you and you will tell yourself that you would not pay for that kind of cab.  But did you ever notice that it is empty almost all of the time? It does not matter anyway; you will still look for that cozy and good-looking taxi that might come after it.

Without a doubt, your dream taxi will come your way. It may be perfect for you; it is brand new and just as attractive as your car at home. In fact, you would even race with other passengers just to be the first one to pull the door of the car. In the end, your effort will be put into waste. He will not agree with your route and at some point, both of you would not agree with a term just like in a contract.

With a little more patience, it is impossible not to find another taxi. You will eventually ride a not-so-friendly taxi. I mean, a taxi driver who would not care if you are safe or not. He would not even care if you are bored or what. He only cares about your fare, no more, no less.

But if you are lucky enough, you will ride a perfect cab. How do you define a taxi if it is good? I think the cab must have a friendly driver who will take care about your safety. A driver who will make sure that you are okay all throughout the journey. At any rate, you know it is rare. Wow, it sounded gay but again, I am pertaining to love, not the taxi driver.

It is rare since you will end up waving at an occupied taxi. It is already taken and you are dying to ride in that cab. You will feel sad and will again try your fortune. You will again wave your hand to an approaching taxi and from where you are standing, it is empty. You will  be happy for a moment and at last, a smile appeared on your face. Regrettably, it will not be there for a long time. What happened? May laman pala ‘yung taxi. You will be sad again. All you could do is think of that empty ugly-looking taxi you cursed each day of your life.

Life is indeed short. It may be shorter than Snow White’s dwarves. An in our very short stay in this world, love will be everywhere. But remember, it will not always be available for you. There are times that we feel affection for the wrong person. And then there are also times when we take them for granted.

It is just about complimenting each other’s needs. It is just about risking everything you’ve got. At the end of the day, it is just about loving her with all your heart.

And it is not always easy. You need to work and gamble for it. Stop and think for a minute.

Sun is at its peak. After a good sleep last night, it is Tuesday once again. I hate Tuesdays. I just cannot help but hate this day. My taxi is still nowhere to be found.

Tonight I can write

September 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

Unparalleled Thoughts

Opinion

January 2011, The Bedan

 

“Step one, you start running. There is no step two.” – Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Probably, you may have already read or heard about it. I am not talking about the quote mentioned by the most awesome guy I know found just right above this wicked sentence. I am talking about the poem “Tonight I can write” written by Pablo Neruda, the most romantic guy I know. Anyway, both of these things will matter in this opinion article.

Yes,tonight I can write and just like Barney Stinson, I have to start running and there is no another step after it. If I were you, you should follow the trails of these gentlemen. Why? Because they are proven to be effective, believe me. I need these guys as I express what I feel about things that struck me for a moment or so.

Right now, in the wee hours of the morning, I am still wide-awake and I cannot even shut these fatigued eyes drooling over my thesis and some articles to edit for The Bedan.

Am  inspired or what? I do not know and I do not have any idea at all. A girl is inspiring me perhaps, but no. That is lame. That is flimsier than Superman who wears his underwear on the outside. I cannot blame him for being that stupid. He has a kryptonite anyway. Maybe I am inspired because of a girl, maybe not.

Why am I still writing for this publication for the past four years? Did I follow Barney’s advice to Ted about running on a marathon? For all this time, I never stopped serving this publication I love. This is my long-time partner and it gave me heartaches and caused me post-traumatic disorder many times now. I never stopped writing because Barney said there is no step two. There is no step two, really, and after running for four sweet and bitter year in San Beda, The Bedan’s fund is now reinstated.

Do you get what I mean? See, Barney is right after all. If I never ran, if we never started running three years ago, maybe you are not reading tis newspaper in your bare hands anymore. Maybe the mouthpiece of democracy here in our campus was already destroyed by Pacman’s left hook. What I am trying to say is, we should not give up. Giving up is not an option if we want something. Or it is? Maybe it is at some point.

Some says there is nothing wrong about giving up. Sometimes, giving up is the only option we have in our pockets. For me, giving up up will not make you a lesser person. I think we give up because we have a good heart. We have a good heart since we are not brave enough to be hurt or something like that. We have a good heart since we give up for the happiness of another person next to us. We have a good heart since it is the only way we can show our love to that person who makes us smile even with her lousiest gestures. It is all about giving up when we think it is not good and right anymore. So the next time you are in trouble or in a deep situation where escape is impossible, just give up. Maybe it is right or maybe it is not.

I am not confusing you here okay. Maybe I am, but please bear with me. I am telling contradicting statements because I believe that there is no such thing as destiny or there is no such thing as right or wrong. In this life, we are given choices and it is up to us to respond and follow our hearts. It may be the most common thing you will hear, but it is so true.

Choices. Do not be a deucebag and choose fearlessly on the options at hand. Well, I love Barney and his awesomeness but I do not agree with his quotation above. We do not need to start running just to please ourselves and there is always step two when we decided not to run anymore.

Yes, we ran and went here. We still exist today, and after 68 year, we are still here. And I have no to eat what I said a while ago; we are not here because we started running. We are here because we made a choice. We opted not to die. We never thought about that in the first place. And we will never think about that ever.

Tonight I can write and I am free. Just like Barney, maybe at some point, I will start running. But unlike Neruda, I am not writing the saddest lines. But he is right; this may be the last time I write for her. I will continue to read Neruda’s works and of course, watch Barney on television, however, no more kryptonite for me starting today. That is lame right? Maybe it is. Maybe it s not. I do not know. I do not have any idea at all.

Sayonara S*cker

September 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

Unparalleled Thoughts (unedited version)

Opinion (Graduation Issue, The Bedan Vol. LXVIII No. 9)

She is my girlfriend. She is my lover, my mistress, and my life. She is the oxygen I breathe and the bread I eat. There are a lot of times that I cannot even close my eyes at night because I am worried of her. I cannot stand the fact that some people are there to criticize her, or worse, destroy her. I am proud and happy that we never had a breakup despite the frequent quarrels because she is really a control freak. She is demanding and never thinks of my condition, she is selfish too. Nevertheless, it was okay for me. In spite of those imperfections, I still treated her like a goddess. We can all say that she is my priority and nobody could ever change that.

I love her. I will do anything just to make her happy any moment of the day. I am very close to her and I am very much associated to her. No words could describe what I feel for her, not even you, not even my friends, not even my family. She is my angel and I will fly just to keep up with her. She is not that perfect though, but see, I am head over heels for her.

Enough. I am being mushy again. But you cannot blame me; I have to leave her after I am done with this. Too fast, yes, too abrupt. We have to do this because we need to. I am leaving her there not because I do not like her anymore. I am leaving her because my time with her is already over. It is sad, painful, and unreasonable. It is also unacceptable on my part but I am not in the position to complain anyway.  She gave me four years of her life and I think it has to stop here. It is not enough for me though. But then again, she has all the reasons to dump me and I will say goodbye.

I will miss her. That is true, I will miss every moment I had with her. I will miss the sleepless nights where I have to take care of her. I will miss the mornings where I have to rise up from my bed immediately because I need to satisfy her needs. I will miss the thought that I am her man and I am there to defend her always. I will miss the moments where the important people in my life confronts her because they were jealous and so fed up of the attention I am giving her. I will miss the every thing about her. I will miss her. Really.

Tonight, I have to bid farewell to her. I am happy because we had a good time together. She taught me things I never thought would be valuable in my life. She is not that selfish after all. Well in fact, she is a very good girlfriend. She taught me how act like a real man. In fact, she made me feel that I am really a man. She never let me down. She is perfect.

She is The Bedan. My time is up and we have to part ways. Tonight, as I drink a glass of Sayonara Sucker here at Tomas Morato, I bid farewell to her.

Thank you The Bedan for letting me exist in your world for a while. Thank you for making my college life a surreal one. Thank you for getting me acquainted with a bunch of crazy but lovely people who made my life vibrant and unforgettable. Thank you for the pressures and problems. Thank you for the happy memories. Thank you for everything, thank you for giving me life. Salamat, kasi dahil sa’yo, ipinaramdam mo na sa mga oras na ito, buhay na buhay ako. Now, I can truly say, I already attained immortality.

To my former editors from Vol. 65, thank for the trust and for accepting me in the family. To Carlo Benedict Sison, thank you for the frequent visits, for the advices, for the trust, and for the friendship. I thank you! Sabi ko nga, ikaw ang Diyos ko.

To my co-editors from Vols. 66 and 67, I am grateful that I was given a chance to be with you guys. I have learned so much from you and even though we were plagued by misunderstandings and problems, we never gave up. To Danna Lim and Marj Ramos, you proved me that female Bedans could excel in a world dominated by men. I salute the both of you! To Marc Castro, I will never forget our conversations about sports; you are really a courtside bum. To Juan Paolo Alvarez, Lorenzo Macapagal, Leonrd Pua and the others, thank you for accompanying me in our pursuit to keep this newspaper alive.

To Mark Belaniso, you taught me a lot of wild and foolish things. I will never forget your jokes and stories about life. Truly, you are a legend! Thanks for creating Leon B. Dista! To Ryan Andaya, the best photographer I know, thank you for believing in me and for being a good friend. I miss our coffee sessions! To Ray John Bangi and Prof. Cadz Malbarosa, thank you for the suggestions and advices to my volume. To Kuya RJ, I hope the brotherhood continues at the College of Law.

To Jeff Castro, Art Bernales, Ruel Ramirez, Jeff Daroy, and other alumni of The Bedan, thank you for inspiring me and for loving the paper unconditionally. The Bedan is lucky, ang dami nating nagmamahal sa kanya.

To Red Lens and Bedan Scholars’ Guild, it is my honor to be part of these organizations. To my APS family, wala akong masabi. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat at salamat sa araw-araw na tawanan. I will miss every moment we had in the past. I believe the friendship does not end here. Good luck to all of you! I love you guys.

To my close friends in the section, to my lunch mates, alam niyo na kung sino kayo. I will miss everything. Enough said. Thank you and Good luck! Marami pa tayong pagsasamahan.

To Mark Clemente and Joseph Lopez, I have to thank you. Indeed, you gave me life, especially on our final year in college. Forever would not be enough for us. I am sure that the friendship will continue as we separate ways. More beers to come!

To Nevin, Nissi, Raffy, Jen, Norman, Darvin, Jeck, Gary, Jonathan, Leah, Borj, and the others, thank you for the memories at The Bedan office. I have high hopes for the next volume, love the paper, put individual intentions aside, and nourish this publication we all love.

To my professors in college, thank you for the gift of knowledge. To the people I know in San Beda, thank you for the small talks; I learned a lot, really.

To our administrators, I bow to you. You proved us that genuine democracy exists in our school. To our Rector-President, thank you for the support. To our dean, Dr. Napoleon Juanillo, thank you for trusting us. I believe you are the best man for the job. To Prof. Michal John Rubio, thank you! You are really a good man.

To Dr. Marvin Reyes, the best publication adviser in the world, thank you for being considerate. The Bedan loves you so much! To my thesis adviser, Dr. Quilon, thank you. You are the best.

To my mom and dad, I know I am very lucky to have you in my life. I want to say sorry for everything I have done. I love you guys and thank you for being there for me all of the time.Babawi ako soon, promise! I hope you are proud of me. I love you! To my sister, study hard, I am proud of you. I love you! To my lolos, lolas, titas, titos, and cousins, thank you. To God, I am forever yours! Without you I am nothing.

It is now time to say goodbye. No more The Bedan for me starting tomorrow. Tonight, as I drink a glass of Sayonara Sucker here at Tomas Morato, I bid farewell to her.

Goodbye

May 29, 2011 § Leave a comment

Sorry for not trusting you,
Sorry for not believing you,
Sorry for not treating you right,
Sorry for not understanding you well

Sorry for being insensitive,
Sorry for being dumb,
Sorry for being afraid,
Sorry for being immature

Sorry I broke your heart,
Sorry I made you cry,
Sorry I took you for granted,
Sorry I loved you too much.

Goodbye

Underneath the stars

May 29, 2011 § Leave a comment

Underneath the stars,
I am holding your hands
Your grip tortures me,
Killing me from within

Little by little,
I am dying inside
Then the look in your eyes,
It is breathless and I can’t take it

I closed my eyes,
I feel serenity
For the first time,
The calmness soothes me

Slowly, my skin touches yours,
Filling every hole in my soul
Now my lips are trembling,
Shaking my world apart

I wanna hug you,
Feel every part of your body
I wanna kiss you,
From head to toe, everything

Then I opened my eyes,
It is cold, gloomy
I can feel you near me,
Close to me, close to me

Your grip loosens,
The look in your eyes, it is faint
I can’t feel your skin, I am numb
Now, I can’t hug you, can’t kiss you

Underneath the stars,
I am holding nothing
The wind tortures me,
It is just the wind, just the wind

For her

May 29, 2011 § Leave a comment

I didn’t know you were there,

All this time, I thought you didn’t exist,

But you’re real,

Yes, you’re there and I am loving it,

For a second, a minute, then an hour after,

You’re still there; beautiful and dazzling.

 

I could fall for you any time of the day,

And it would surely be a great feeling,

I could do it forever if you would let me,

Looking closer to you, I’ve noticed something significant,

Your smile’s so sweet. you’re pretty indeed,

Wow. How come I’ve only seen you today?

However, it’s not that important now.

 

Again, it’s great to see to see you there,

I think you’re happy with your life,

Well, that’s good isn’t it?

But i have to go. I hate leaving you there,

I will surely miss your sweet smile,

And i hate the fact that i can’t even do something.

 

Yes, you’ll be there everyday, but I can’t be with you,

Maybe, I guess, I’ll be here every now and then,

To see how beautiful you are,

And to love you earnestly from where I am standing.

 

Too bad, very bad,

It is not even okay to do those things,

You don’t know that I am here,

All this time, up to this moment,

you don’t have an idea that I exist.

 

Yes, you’re there and I am loving every moment of it,

For a second, a minute, then an hour after,

You’re still there; beautiful and dazzling.

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